Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
