god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
