you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
