do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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