I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
