We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
