I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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