The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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