I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead