it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.