All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...