The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
home. puking in laundry basket.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What a dumb baby whore.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
