Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.