The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
