Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize