And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
