I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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