i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
