well you can't waste a boner
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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