He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
home. puking in laundry basket.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
