you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
