They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
