just come out here and I will go home with you...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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