Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
