I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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