thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
