It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
