He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
