lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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