Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
