Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
