wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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