i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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