Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
