I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
