Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
People in love make me want to vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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