I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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