I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
