No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didn't notice because vodka
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
