I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
