hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
