omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
