ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
