I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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