ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
