Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
