duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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