gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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