No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
