Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
