Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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