You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
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But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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