I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we're making bets on your personal life
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
