I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
