no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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