Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
