Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
