Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
