..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
