the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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