Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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