you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
