Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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