I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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