Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
