He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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