Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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