i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
