You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
