I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
