The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize