I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
