life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
