There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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