Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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