I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
