Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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