Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
