Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My ATM looks so different sober.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
