Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
