Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
