just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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