Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
