I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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